Your First D&D campaign

Part Two: Strange Motivations

After painstaking searching the room for hours to find a secret door and recovering some sweet loot the party boldly ventured deeper into the wood elf lair only to discover the remaining elves entangled and unconscious in some creepy looking vines. The always noble McBain proposed slaughtering the helpless creatures and Percy Edgeworth agreed, but they searched their feelings and felt that ripping apart seemingly dead bodies was not something you wanted to do on a nice afternoon. Instead, shaking one awake they heard some nonsense about “him” and “summoning it” and were then attacked by a super angry bush. The bush raped McBain and the totally always human and never an fancy elf ever cleric, pulling them deep inside him, but in the end he and the wood elf minions that (believe it or not!) came to life and attacked the party all fell, only to be burned repeatedly by the angry dyke Elentári. Continuing on into the next room the party encountered a big-ass wood elf guarding a girl. The stupid McBain charged right in only to get himself attacked. After wiping the floor with the wood elf the party was told some nonsense about how the world would end if they sacrificed the girl, but before he could finish the story his head exploded and the Duke of Easthaven showed up with some guys and was really annoying. He thanked the party for their help and told them he was going to kill them. Some crazy ass magic dwarf living inside Elentári then teleported the party and the Bride onto a mountainside where they made camp for the night. Elentári decided then to skip all the exposition this entire encounter was about, causing his fellow party members to suffer from slight brain aneurysms as they promptly forgot that they had been teleported away from certain death, and instead figured it was a run of the mill occurrence rather than a god-damned miracle.

The next day the magic inside dwarf told them to head over to some chicken-house owned by a woman who (rumor has it) imprisons young girls. The old woman gave the party some more sweet loot and asked them to go find a shipment that hadn’t arrived. Leaving the girl with the woman who maybe imprisons/kills/tortures girls (mostly because her voice was really annoying) they ventured on to find the shipment.

By the side of a snowy road they found the busted up cart containing a shipment. Most of the party found some grain, but the crafty rogue found and swiped a bag addressed to the chicken-legged house lady (Babaganoush!). Then some pissed off wolves showed up and started gang raping the McBain. Things were looking good in that fight until a gigundo-wolf showed up along with a goblin sorcerer mounted on yet another wolf. The goblin cast a magic gas over McBain to hide the shame of of his being ‘knocked over by wolves’. The fight raged on as the McBain continued to be violated, the cleric kept setting up Elentári to get hit, and the Lawyer stumbled around blindly. The goblin, seeing the battle was not going his way, barked a command in goblin to the wolves, who turned their attention to the Rogue and knocked her the eff out. By this point most of the wolves were dead or dying, but the one remaining grabbed the fallen rogues bag and scurried off.

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jakerot

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